The Incredible True Story of Drew and the Jeroboam

Oakland, CA
Friday, August 6th I left Sacramento around 7am and headed towards the Bay.  It had been almost a year since I was last there, way too long.  The San Francisco Bay area was having an unseasonable cold streak with highs expected to get into the low 70's.  Having recently left the hot Southeastern summer where the lows are in the high 70s I was afraid I was going to freeze my ass off.  Don't worry, it's still there.

I was headed to my god parents house, or as I like to call them “Parents: West”.  They are the ones that got me into sailing and traveling and stuff (with a little proding and a lot of support from my real parents, love ya guys).  So you could blame my life of adventure and leisure on them, I know I do. I called when I was about 30 minutes away to give them a heads up and make sure everyone was up and dressed before I came barging in.  No answer.  Odd. After driving up the goat path that is the road to their house in the Oakland hills, I find no one home.

Lets break this down:

• I had just driven 2500 miles in 2.5 days, alone
• I hadn't had a moments more than 5 hours of sleep a night
• I smelled like a foot (who's been skiing with me?)
• I had to pee!
• There was no one home
• I didn't have keys
• Awesome!

After I got done watering the ivy (sorry Ian and Lesta, but I couldn't hold it!) I realized that I saw their car down in the village.  Well, I saw a dark Outback which is the official car of the Oakland hills, but I figured it was worth a try.  Boy were they surprised to see me saunter (yes I saunter) up to the patio of the coffee shop.  We talked for a bit, then when back to the house where I took a shower and passed out.  I was up just in time for lunch, I have impeccable timing.

Georgia and Florida have a lot of things going for them, however Mexican food is not on the list.  I have yet to find a decent burrito east of New Mexico (Texas is ruled out for the fact that it is in Texas).  There was only one real option for lunch: Taqueria

It was heaven to have Al Pastor as an available option.  The drive was worth it for the burrito alone, and it wasn't even the best burrito I have ever had.  I have to figure out how to get Pepe's out to the east coast.  I digress...

The Party

A little background: 

My first job in the wine industry was for Beringer, makers of fine wine and white zin.  As a wine chemist there, I had to perform routine analysis on wines during production and at bottling.  In order to test wine in the bottle, well, you have to take it out of the bottle.  Now the testing we did only required 50 ml (a quarter of a cup), and we had to do it hourly.  Most days we would have 16 to 20 bottles of wine hanging around with just a little bit taken out. One of the perks (of many) of working in the lab is that we had dibs on these bottles, just sacrifice one to fill up the others and re-cork them.

Normally it was white zin, or table wine quality wines, the bread and butter of Beringer. However! Every once in awhile we would be bottling something good, and in this case something amazing. I was able to “acquire” (with winemakers consent of course) a 3.0L bottle of 1997 Beringer Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon.  Street value is somewhere in the $700-$1100 range. Not the most expensive bottle of wine I have ever drank, but the most expensive bottle of wine I have ever legally possessed.

The thing about these bottles we took home is that they were unlabeled, meaning they had no actual monetary value.  I use to keep all my wine in Ian and Lesta's cellar (remember them, its their party we are talking about) and they would play wine roulette, bringing new meaning to “get something red” cause that's all you knew about it. This one was a little different, it was the only Jeroboam (3L bottle) in their cellar.

The original plan was to use it for my wedding, well clearly the wine would go bad before that happens, so decided that it would be opened upon my completion of graduate school.  Guess what, I have a MBA now, it was officially time to open up the beast.

Back to our story...

I just turned 34+ and completed graduate school, and the plan was to invite a few close friends over to my god parents house for a dinner party where we would free the wine from its glass prison.  The cast of the shenanigans are:

Me, after chasing the dog

• Myself
• Catherine (aka Margret)
• Andrew
• Ian
• Lesta
• Sophie (the dog)
• The Macaroni and Cheese

Catherine

After lunch Ian and Lesta left for a sailboat race, the offered me a spot, but I don't race Moore 24s  I like my boats to be above the water!{the sailors get it}.  I went to the store and picked up some steaks and then Drew met me and we got some more stuff at the store.  What to do for sides, well it is my birthday AND graduation party, and one of my favorite foods is mac and cheese so we came up with an idea for $20 Macaroni and Cheese (recipe to follow).

Andrew (front) and Ian (back)

Now this is where the story becomes a lot like a sitcom.  Upon leaving Lesta warned me that Sophie the dog was not allowed on the porch because she could jump the fence and take off.  Sophie being a young dog loves to run, chase the neighbors cats, and disobey.  Foreshadowing anyone?  What do you think the odds are that Sophie gets out?  You'd be right.

Sophie the Cheese Burglar

Drew and I unload our plunder in the kitchen and brought out the 3.0L bottle of 1997 Beringer Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon to marvel at its awesomeness.  I wasn't sure which was more awesome, the pile of bacon and cheese on one side, or the 3.0L bottle of 1997 Beringer Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon.

The Mac and Cheese - I don't have a picture of Lesta 

Drew was working on the bacon while I was making sure the cheese was up to quality standards.  Then it dawned on Drew that we didn't have anything to drink.  We mozied on down to the wine cellar and returned with a bottle of mystery wine.  I got to the arduous task of grating the cheese with the food processor when I realized that there was cheese missing.  I might not be detailed oriented, but I know when there is cheese missing.  Andrew and I searched and searched and searched, but couldn't find the cheese.  We checked all the usual suspects; the fridge, the dishwasher, the pots and pans cabinet, the computer room, the dining room, etc.  No where to be found.  About this time we notice the dog was just laying on the floor licking the carpet.  Completely oblivious to us just going to town on the carpet.

Seriously?  The dog pilfered a ¾ pound block of Irish cheddar off the counter.  Bitch!  At least she had the sense to leave the 3.0L bottle of 1997 Beringer Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon alone.

(this is where it gets good)

I went out to the porch to get something, I can't even recall now, and the cheese burgling mutt darted right past me and was gone before I even got the door open enough to go out of it. Who didn't see this coming?  Andrew and I spent the next half hour running up and down the Oakland hills chasing this cheese filled dog.  I kept thinking to myself “this is how the relationship with my god parents ends, flat dog in the middle of the street”.  We completely lost sight of the dog for awhile and I sent Drew to drive around looking for her.

While he was gone some local kids that I had enlisted in the hunt started yelling, they saw the dog.  I got them to help me herd her, but to no avail, she is way too fast.  I had a pocket full of treats at this point and tried throwing some at her, but she never saw them.  A few minutes later I had Sophie somewhat cornered and just as she was about to bolt over a wall, I beaned her on the head with a treat.  Using the classic cartoon trick I slowly reeled her in by throwing treats closer and closer until I could grab her collar.

About thirty minutes later I get a call from Lesta, the neighbor had called to let her know that Sophie was out and that there were strangers at her house.  The neighbor knows exactly who I am, and does not like me.  We had a 'incident' many years ago that she still hasn't forgave me for.  I assured Lesta that everything was OK and that Sophie was safe and sound.  She was safe and sound tied up to a metal pipe in the back yard to make sure she couldn't pull another Houdini.  So the dog lived, I got to keep my god parents, Andrew took a scenic tour of the Oakland hills and the Macaroni and Cheese didn't burn!

Dinner

Ian and Lesta returned to a house full of amazing bacon and cheese smells with dinner almost ready.  Catherine arrived shortly there after and the steaks were done with in 20 minutes of everyone's arrival.

Dinner was rib eye steaks, sautéed  mushrooms, baked asparagus, and the $20 Macaroni and Cheese. Oh, have I mentioned the 3.0L bottle of 1997 Beringer Private Reserve Cabernet Sauvignon?  It is there in the center of the picture.  It is a lot of wine.  There was also a bottle of Kenwood Pinot Noir from the infamous Kenwood Pinot and hot tub night, some random chardonnay, and scotch.

Dinner was amazing and we had a great time as seen by Andrew hamming it up for the camera.  After dinner we retired to the porch for cigars, scotch, and port.  Aside from chasing the pups, it was a fantastic night and well worth the 2500 mile drive.  Unfortunately it was short notice due to the changing circumstances of the trip and didn't get to have everyone over that I would have liked.  Next time....

Saturday

The next morning was a little rough, turns out that when you achieve the year after your 34th birthday the hangover gets exponentially worse. I got up, took a shower, loaded up the car and headed north towards Mt. Shasta for the wedding.  Remember Xuan's wedding?  That was the point of this entire trip!

Now, I have made the journey from Chico to Oakland hung over as hell many times, a few of those might be Xuan's fault, but this was the first time I had driven towards Chico hungover.  It seemed just wrong.  But, you know what makes a long drive completely hung over better?  In 'n Out.

I made it to Shasta safely and took a nap as soon as I got there, for the festivities were about to begin.  Thats a story for another post.

Thanks for reading and please comment, my huge ego needs it!

$20 Mac and Cheese

• 1 box of large elbow macaroni or medium shells
• 1/2 lb block of a soft cheese such as Edam or Havarti
• 1/2 lb block of Fontina (or similar)
• 1/2 lb of sharp cheddar or other sharp cheese
• 1 small container of heavy whipping cream
• 1 pint of whole milk
• 6 slices of bacon
• 1/4 - 1/2 cup of flour

Cook the bacon over low heat in a large pot to render out all of the fat, remove the bacon. Start the pasta water and add the pasta when boiling.

Add flour to the oil to build the roux, cooking until just past blonde.  Reduce the heat and wait a moment before adding all of the milk and cream. Bring to a boil for a few minutes to activate the flour, then let the sauce cool till it is about 150 degrees (shredded cheese piece just barely melts).  If the sauce is too hot the oil in the cheese will seperate and the sauce will become grainy.  With the sauce cooled, put back on low heat and slowly add the shredded cheese allowing it to fully melt before adding more.  Generally a handful at a time. Allow a little bit of time between handfuls to allow the heat to recover. Once all the cheese has melted and there are no lumps of cheese in the sauce, remove the heat.  It is important that you don't get the sauce too hot from here on out. Season to taste, I like salt and a little bit of curry seasoning.

Add the strained pasta to the sauce and mix thouroughly then transfer into a baking dish.  Top the full baking dish with bread crumbs and the bacon and bake for about 15 to 25 minutes at about 250-300 degrees, we are just thickening up the sauce and getting rid of some of the water.  After that turn it broil and brown the top for about 3-5 minutes.  Serve.